A lot can happen in three years.

Wow, three years since I have been here. The blog needs some major polishing. As do I. Yep, I have regained about 60 pounds, give or take. Actually, I regained it all in two years. I am about the same now as I was this time last year. I lost about 12 pounds over the summer. Then I regained those, plus 6 more. Now I am down those six again. So much to talk about. Refatting. My accidental social experiment. My job. My job search. Entering into my "late" forties, in a world of thiry somethings. Labels, assumptions and misconceptions. Oh, and I am totally hidden in plain sight again.

Yo yo platau

From mid November to mid December, I lost nine pounds. Since then, I have staled/gained. I know that was a quick loss. The thing is, I haven't really eaten any different from mid November until now. WW changed their program the week after Thanksgiving. Most the things I eat went up in points, and my dailies only increased by three. After the gain this week, I went back and looked at what I have been eating. When I add it up using the old points, I am eating less. So my conclusion is that I initially lost really fast, and now I am in a gain pattern because I have effed up my metabolism. I didn't realize it, because with the new plan, I am using all of my weeklies and sometimes I am using activity points. But it is still less that I was eating before. So this week I am making sure that I am getting the equivelent of 26 points or more. I am not really worrying about my points plus. At the end of the week, I will go back and add it all up. Let's hope this works!

Holiday gain

Wow, I have been a terrible blogger! I gained one pound over the holidays. I am hoping for a small loss this week. I found this year to be the most stressful Christmas season in a very long time. It was so hard working and trying to fit everything in. I didn't want to miss out on any celebrating, and I didn't want Sophie to miss out either. Chet and I went from the Sunday before Thanksgiving to Christmas without a day off together. So we never got to make our family trip to downtown Seattle. And work itself was very stressful. I am still trying to get used to the job itself, plus being away from Sophie. When I think about it, I cry. The two years I didn't work were like a vacation to me. I know everyone has their own view on this, but to me, it was a vacation. Yes, it was hard work, and sometimes depressing. But I still have all the work I had before. What I am missing out on is all the fun time I had with Sophie. A lot of my mom friends just don't get it. There is so much complaining about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. So, try adding a full time job to that, and tell me how much easier it is! I realize some moms rather work, some do it by choice, some want to work but stay home, not fully by choice. I want to stay home. Getting to do it for a short time was a huge blessing to me. I just wish I could still be home.

So, I did splurge more than I have since I started the program in the weeks around Christmas. I just did not care. I didn't go totally off program. I did track, and stay within my weekly and activity points. But, I felt I deserved to splurge. I did go back a little to my old pattern of comforting myself with food. But knowing how I deal with stress, really that was the best I could do. And a one pound gain after losing nine in the previous month wasn't too bad.

In this new year of 2011, not only do I want to reach my big goal of 100 lost and the normal weight range, but I want to lose about 20 on top of that. So when we reach 2012, I will be happy to be around 135. I really want to be a size 8, but I don't know what weight will get me there. Or if I can get there without some corrective surgery. I sure will be happy to be "normal" though!

The day started out so well!

Sorry, I never even posted last week, though I did update my weight last week. I lost one pound last week, and one pound this week. So I am at 175, and have lost 80 pounds!
I was very happy to hit this milestone this morning. Then the day went to hell in a hand basket.

I took my daughter to preschool, and no one was there. They canceled class today, and nobody called me. Since I worked last night, I wasn't too happy that I could have slept in. So we went back home, and Sophie was very upset, kicking and crying. I left for the mall, and she and Chet were going to head to the grocery store after he took a shower. Chet had left his phone at work, so I couldn't get a hold of him. When I got home, the garage door was wide open. Then I went to go in, and the door into the house was open. As I stepped in, our bedroom door was wide open. I started calling for our dog Toby. I'm not really sure what I thought at that point. I was just scared that Toby got out and wouldn't be found. When I didn't find him in the house, I ran outside. I found him in the backyard. I was so relieved, I didn't think much of it. I thought Chet must have forgotten to close the doors. It didn't even occur to me that it could be something else, even though all three doors were open. About ten minutes later, I went to move his briefcase, because it was in my way. It flew open, and when I went to shut it, I noticed that both locks were broken. That's when I realized someone had been in the house. The tv's and computers were still here, so I went into our master bedroom. Sure as shit, my big jewelry box was gone. They also took our two camera's, and our video camera. There was lots of important stuff in my jewelry box. I called 911, and the police came, lifted fingerprints, and talked to the neighbors. I hope they can catch the person. I really want my things back. Plus I would like to beat the shit out of this person.

As much as I want to comfort myself with food, I really haven't. I used three weeklies, which I always do on weigh in day. Usually I use 5 on Tuesdays. Right now, I am very upset, but I can't cry. I hope I don't start comforting myself with food.

Holding at 177

Well, at least as of Tuesday. Right now, I think I am up. Let's hope I at least stay at 177 by this Tuesday. Since I am closing the next four days, it is possible. It will be busy, I will get a lot of exercise, and I won't be home to eat a ton of snacks at night. As long as I don't go overboard when I get home. I have a bad cold, so I have been sucking on cough drops. While I know they add up a little, I refuse to track cough drops. I will have 15-20 weeklies leftover, plus activity points, so I should be okay. I just need to stay out of Sophie's Halloween candy!

I happened upon a bmi calculator this morning. My current bmi is 28.3. I plugged in my starting weight, and my bmi was 43.2. I had no idea it was that high. I had been using the Wii, and they had my bmi in the 38ish range. Although, at that time I was hovering in the low 240's. Also, according to this calculator, I have to get to 154 to be normal, and not 155. The WW bmi calculator has it at 155. The one I used this morning was attached to an ad for a weight loss center near me. It said you had to have a bmi of 40 to qualify for the surgery. So I would have more than qualified. Which I knew, but to see it in black and white is kind of jarring.

Howling Tuesday

It is almost Halloween! I love Halloween! All holidays, really. Of course, I love Halloween candy. Last year, I started WW 11 days before Halloween. Of course, I had a lot more points than I do now, so I was able to still indulge in some candy and have good losses. Last week, I did have some candy. Only now, I try not to have more than two fun size bars in a day. I did have three Reeses one day, spread out through the day. Before WW, it would have been at least three times as much. Still, I lost two pounds this week. Down to 177. I am pretty happy with that. All the exercise I am getting at work is paying off.

WW Anniversary

On this day last year, I signed up for WW online. It was a Monday night, and I had been getting desperate about my weight. So much so that I had been talking to my hubby about weight loss surgery. He was very much against it, and it was something I had always said I would not do. But I had been off work for over a year, and had gained 10 pounds. The year previous to getting pregnant, I had lost 30+ pounds. I gained 15 while pregnant, and quickly lost 22. Then it crept back on. So when Sophie was a year, I was 10 pounds heavier than before I got pregnant. And then a year later, I was 20 pounds heavier than before I got pregnant. I was only about 12 pounds or so below my highest weight. I had sworn I would never see 250 again. The next morning, I weighed in at 255. That was 10/20/2009. This morning I weigh 179. I am really hoping that next year I will be between 135 and 140. I really don't know my exact goal. I am just trying to get to "normal" on the charts, which is 155. Then I will go from there. But I am much happier at 179 then I was at 255!

75 down!

Finally, I had a loss! One pound. Since this is the week I usually gain, I am glad to have a loss. And I am very happy to have hit 75 lost. It has taken me 7 months to lose 25, after losing the first 50 in 5 months. I know, the more you lose, the harder it is. Now I have at least 25 more to lose. Next week is my one year anniversary on WW. I would love to have a good loss next week. But at least I hit 75!

Slooowww going

So this week I was still at 181. And every day since Tuesday, 181. Will I ever get out of the 180's?! Well, I am starting a new job tomorrow. Said job will involve lots of walking, standing, and lifting. So I am thinking this may kick start my weight loss. That is if I don't start overeating to cope with the trauma of going back to work and leaving Sophie.

A loss is a loss.

Or so they say. You don't dare go on the WW message board and complain about any kind of loss. Especially not a two pound loss. Even though I just lost what I gained last week. And my pattern of losing four pounds every fourth weeks was broken. I like that I have posted my weights on the right hand side of my blog page. It is much easier to read them that way then on the weight tracker. I have been in the 180's since the end of June. So even if I lose 2 pounds next week, it will have taken me 3 months to lose ten pounds. I know, it slow down as you go, but still it is frustrating.

I am going to try and work on not taking bites here and there this week. I was very strict about that in the beginning, but I have slacked off. If you have a bit here and there, they add up. I caught my self a few times today. And a couple of times it was too late. I weigh and measure my food, so my meals are pretty accurate. But I am not going to go track a couple of pretzel fish, or a few bites of something, but that adds up.

A thin line.

So, yesterday was weigh in, and I had a two pound gain. Better than the four pounds I was up a few days ago. But that put me back to 183, a pound over the overweight/obese line. This morning I was back to 182, but it isn't official until next weeks weigh in. And if my pattern continues, I will have a good loss next week. The irony? I was pretty good last week. I knew that that was a week I usually gain or maintain. I used 10 1/2 weeklies. I ate some M&M's. I baked 70 mini cupcakes for a couple of meetings last week, and ate one. Yes, one mini cupcake that was two points. I was at our Church's Fall Festival all day Saturday. I took one of my two point sandwiches, low fat crackers and carrots. We did have dinner there, where I had one and a half small burritos and four tortilla chips. I did not partake in any of the yummy baked goods. And I worked on my feet for 9 hours. But, I know this is what my body does. On the other hand, we went to the fair yesterday. I used 8 &1/2 weeklies yesterday alone. I had an onion burger, fries, and a scone. And I still had some M&M's last night. And I was down a pound this morning. I love the one week a month that my metabolism kicks in to high gear!

I really hope that I do have a good loss this week and get out of the danger zone of obesity. Since I know I am having a 2-3 pound gain a month, I need to get as far away from that thin line as possible. Even though I realize it is just a number. And really, I still look obese. Which leads me to:

I am currently doing physical therapy for some knee issues. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not super touchy feely. I have gotten more so, but not with people I don't know. So it is very uncomfortable for me to be in this big room full of people and have the Physical therapist feeling all over. I mean, I am lying on a table and he is trying to find my hip flexors. Good luck with that, buddy. I can't wait until he asks me to hold my big tummy so he can find them. Last week he was feeling my sides and torso, and asked if I had a shirt on under my shirt. Um no, but that has never stopped you before. So he says, these must be adhesions. WTF? Oh, I realize then that he is talking about all of my stretch marks. Yes, you can feel them as well as see them. Good Lord. I can't wait until this torture is over. I also stand wrong, walk wrong, my femur and tibia are longer on the left, and my posture overall sucks. But I am overweight, not obese! Maybe I should tell him that tomorrow. Yesterday I explained that my posture was due to all of my weight being in the middle, and that I used to weigh 74 pounds more. I wasn't looking at him, so I don't know for sure if he rolled his eyes.

Mid week check in.

Okay, it isn't quite mid week, but two days after weigh in, I am up two pounds. Yikes. I ate quite a few peanut M&M's last night while playing Bunco. At least this mornings scale reading kept me from partaking in all the goodies at the brunch. I haven't even eaten one of the yummy mini cupcakes I made. I did however, get into the peanut M&M's this afternoon. Then I told my hubby to eat the rest. Maybe I should check on that. Or maybe not. I need to really work on being good the rest of the week. I do not want to lose my overweight status! I have also noticed that I have gotten lazy with the whole "bites, licks and tastes" thing. I need to stop that and make sure I record every point. Which doesn't happen when I just have a bite here or a taste there.

Of course I am very happy with my weight loss so far. It does present a little issue though. It draws attention to me. For the most part it is great attention. Even though I am not good at receiving compliments. I have been trying to just say thank you and not disqualify the compliment, like "thanks, I'm not doing good tonight though". Don't get me wrong, I love the compliments. I do find it weird when people who haven't seen me in awhile ask if I have lost weight. I usually answer, yes, I have lost 74 pounds, or whatever the number is at the time. I mean really? Maybe I should try saying no next time. There are a lot of people that don't say anything. Which is especially weird when one person gets all excited, going on about how great I look, etc., and the person with them stares at me like, what are you talking about? Then there are the "your face looks so different" comments. Not really sure what to make of those. To quote Rachel on Friends, "good different?" I get it, I still have a ways to go. I know I am still fat. Even though I get called "skinny" all the time. Commence the weird stares from onlookers. IT is pretty funny.

Dodged a bullet!

No gain this week! Now I have to be very careful not to gain this coming week. Of course I would love a loss, but these are the two weeks of the month were I either stay the same or gain. This week I have some challenges. I am hosting bunco at my house tomorrow, which means serving some yummy food. Then I have a brunch on Thursday, where there will be more yummy food. Saturday, I will be working our Fall Festival at church all day. There will be tons of good food there, and I will be hungry! So I will have to be careful and aim not to have a gain. Then the following week is wen I usually have a good loss.

Overweight!!

I lost two pounds this week, putting me at 181. For my height, well my height rounded down to 5'6" since I am around 5'6" and 3/4 of an inch. The next two weeks will be rough, since I gained a total of three pounds last month during those slow metabolism weeks. But I hope to maintain my overweight status. Yes, I probably still look obese, but by the numbers I am overweight. Twenty six pounds overweight, to be exact. After being 100 pounds overweight for so long, that is really cool. It wasn't until well into this journey that I discovered I was never actually morbidly obese. I know at least one of my doctor's had referred to me as morbidly obese, but by the charts I was always at least 20 pounds away from that. And I know I look like I weigh more than I do, since I have no legs, no butt, a slight shortage in the boob area, and even my arms are not that big for my weight. But to be overweight and not obese is very motivating! And, I am one pound from a 75 pound loss!

Now I have to wrap my head around this. I am so close to the 170's. I don't even remember being in the 170's. It had to be somewhere in my senior year of high school. I still always forget that I don't have to go to the Woman's department. And I keep picking up larger sizes of clothing, and being surprised when they are too big. I am going to have to buy some fall clothes soon. I think I am still in woman's sizes in jeans, but not tops. I may get into a misses 16, but I will find out when I go looking for jeans. My proportions still haven't evened out. Though I have lost in the middle, I have also lost in my legs. Thank God skinny jeans are back!

So, let's hope I don't have to announce in the next week or two that I am obese again. May I never be back there again!!

My how things have changed!

Do not get me wrong, I still have my moments, like when I start eating M&M's and don't want to stop. But, most of the time my approach to food, especially sweets, is totally different than before WW. I really like to bake, but that leaves us with lots of leftovers. So I try to give some away to the neighbors and/or my parents. We hosted a meeting at our house, and I made cupcakes. I gave a lot of those away, but I had left over frosting. Yummy, homemade buttercream frosting. The other night I frosted a bunch of graham crackers and put them in the fridge. I had one too, for three points. Which I felt guilty about. Then I had another one last night. Now mind you, before I would have finished off half the plate before they ever made it to the fridge. So today we had a playdate over here. Everyone brought their own lunch, and as they were finishing I went in to get some animal cookies for the kids. Then I remembered the frosted graham crackers. I brought the plate out, and they were all gone in 15 minutes. And I wasn't even tempted to have one! Now, my three year old had two. But she hardly eats, so I am excited when she eats much of anything. And I am excited that food is no longer such an issue for me. Woo hoo!

Blogging 101

I have been terrible about blogging! And I do it much more often on this one than my other one! I see I have gotten into a pattern of just blogging on weigh in day. I will try to be better!

First things first. Today's weight: 183. So down 4 pounds. This is the week I always have a good loss. I didn't use as many weeklies as I usually use this week. This is the one week my metabolism is fast. I just need to work on not gaining. I am one pound from being overweight and not obese!!

So I went to the doctor, and it looks like I have something called Patella sublexion in my knee. I am supposed to start physical therapy next week, but I don't know how I am going to fit that in. Plus it is a $20 copay for each visit and the doctor ordered 10. I will probably go a couple times, but I don't see going all ten times. This has really put a crimp in my exercise routine.

There is so much going on right now. Sophie is starting preschool in two weeks. I have a couple of things coming up. I am involved in helping with the fall festival at church, which is in two and a half weeks. The same week Sophie starts school and that I am supposed to host Bunco at my house. Meanwhile, I am trying hard to find a job. I have an interview tomorrow. Last night I stayed up until midnight redoing my resume. I have known that it was way too wordy, so I trimmed it way down. I really hate feeling like I can't plan anything because I don't know when I will get a job. When I am not hearing anything, I freak out about money. Then when I get an interview I freak out about going back to work. Ugh. I am going to try and relax and do better at this interview than the last one.

How the heck do you spell plateau?

In case you haven't noticed, I have my weigh in's listed to the right of this blog. I didn't go all the way back, but I put my starting weight from 10/20 and then I have been updating it since I started the blog. Well, today I had a two pound gain. On top of a one pound gain last week. So I am at 187. If you look at my weigh in's, you will see I am at the same weight I was 6 weeks ago! So I am not staying the same every week, I am now going up and down. But essentially I am stuck in the mid 180's. Ugh.

Yes, I did use more weeklies than usual. And I probably shouldn't have used any, because I know that is a week that my metabolism is slow. But with Sophie's birthday and the retreat, that wasn't realistic. So I accept the gain and hope to lose next week!

I want to eat!!

I really want to eat right now. Yes, I have four daily points left, which will buy me a Skinny Cow ice cream cone and a small bag of popcorn. But, I want to eat without worrying about points for once. I won't, but I want to!

Tuesday check in.

I gained one pound this week, so back up to 185. This is the same week that I had a gain last month. I actually expected a bigger gain, because my feet have been very swollen. I did something to my knee, but I am hoping it will go away on it's own. I don't have the time or inclination to go to the doctor. Especially since they will say "go home, ice it, do exercises and take ibprofin(allergic)".

Sophie turned three today! We have been celebrating for a week, so I have not been eating my normal stuff. I haven't gone crazy or anything, but I'm sure too much sodium is part of the issue with the swelling. Should be semi back to normal tomorrow, except we still have lot's of goodies in the house, including half a cake and some cupcakes.

This is a very busy week. Tomorrow is the first day in a long time that I plan to stay home. I have some things I must do, and bunco in the evening, but we can have a lazy morning. I am so tired right now, but I need to apply for at least one job. I am getting to panic mode on the job front. At least I am at the point now that I really need a job and that should override all of my aprehension when it comes to interviews. I made a few mistakes on the last one, due to nerves and my overall disdain over the thought of going to work. But my down and dirty savings figure is staring me in the face, so I must get a job. The fact that Sophie will soon start preschool makes it much easier. She is growing up so fast. Where have those three years gone?!

Birthday weekend

It is not my birthday weekend, but rather a much more important birthday weekend. My miracle baby is going to be three on Tuesday! Since my sister was here until yesterday morning, we started the celebrating extra early. We had a birthday dinner out on Thursday for Sophie and her auntie Gina, who's bday is five days after Sophie. Grandma made a yummy birthday cake, with leftovers for Friday. Friday we got take out from Taco Del Mar, since they don't have those in Denver. I did good on that, getting the small burrito and making substitutions. Plus, I skipped the cake on Friday. Yesterday it rained, so we left it up to Sophie if she wanted daddy's homemade pizza or a picnic on the floor, and of course she wanted a picnic. Somehow she heard me whisper the McDonald's possibility to Chet, so that is what she wanted. I got a small burger and fries, which isn't too bad points wise. Then I made cookies for a picnic that we were suppose to go to today. I had two of those. While I still have 20.5 weeklies left, the last few days I have done terrible on the good health guidelines, and had lots of sodium. My face swelled up Friday night, and last night my feet did. I need to drink lots of water and do pretty good today and tomorrow, or I will for sure have a gain. Tomorrow we are having an ice cream social to celebrate Sophie's birthday with her friends. I will have to avoid the ice cream. I am making mini cupcakes for the party, too. Then Tuesday is her actual birthday. Thank God that is weigh in day, since I am baking a cake and we are planning to take her to the Rainforest Cafe for dinner!

Right now I am pretty overwhelmed with life, and am trying not to let that effect my eating. Normally it would. On top of that, I am in a piss poor mood today. Those of you that read my other blog may recall my list of things that I just "don't get". To add to that, I don't get why people in Seattle cancel long made plans at the hint of a little rain. I wanted to have Sophie's party today, but a group I belong to had a picnic planned for today. There was never any hint it may be canceled due to rain. We had a covered shelter reserved. I started making my stuff last night, and we told Sophie we were going to a real picnic today. This morning I get an email that it is canceled. No explanation, so I must assume it was canceled due to the threat of a few raindrops. BAER. Really, am I the only one that still planned to go? Very disappointing. So I guess Sophie, Chet and I will have our own picnic. And next year I will not make her birthday plans around other peoples plans.